I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
