I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
