If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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