just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
