you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
