okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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