That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
