my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
