Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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