Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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