May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This house was built for laser tag.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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