yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
