had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
