That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
