I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
