Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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