I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
