and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
