btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
