bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
