Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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