Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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