Me. At least after what I've been through.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
