so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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