When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
