Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
