I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh god it's open bar.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
