Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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