my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
