You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
