Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
