It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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