how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
