I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
