Christians are straight up FREAKS
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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