So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
