I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
