Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
