i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
