the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
