im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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