ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
