so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
