Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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