i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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