I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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