I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
