Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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