Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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