I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
