We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
